Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Today was just an ordinary day. Adriel woke up at 7. I met him at my door way in the dark, where I started to put my housecoat on. My house coat is getting old and ratty. At least that's how I feel in it. When I take the garbage out on garbage day I feel a little embarrassed about being in my housecoat. Anyway, I was putting it on (as I do every morning) and Adriel said "Daddy, pick me up" So I crouched down and picked him up to which he said in an astonished and cheerful tone "Hey, you're not Daddy!" I took him out to the couch where we lay in the dark for a while and cuddled. He's always so cheerful in the morning- unless he wakes up too early. I like our little cuddle times. He tells me things and all the while I get to hold his little body close to mine and smell is hair and kiss the area in between his eyes and nose. For some reason I've always like kissing that spot on my kids. It's a cute spot. Then he starts saying that he's hungry and thirsty and wants something to eat and drink. Almost everyday he says he wants candy or chips when I ask him what he wants.
I got ready and took the boys to the gym. There's a class I usually go to on Tuesday morning, but it had been canceled because the instructors child had pneumonia. That's a good reason to cancel, I think. Plenty valid enough for me. Then it got me thinking to how when Adriel had pneumonia, I still went to work. I called and asked them not to book anymore clients with me than I already had and gave them the reasons why. You'd think they'd say something like "that's ok, you stay home with your very sick son, we can cover your clients today." But they didn't. I don't know why I just didn't go to work, because I think it's a valid reason, like I said. I was just trying to not let anyone down. I hate how sometimes you worry more about letting people down who aren't as important as your family. It's like you put them first, when really it should be about not letting your family down over other people. Anyway, I keep going off on tangents. I did my own thing at the gym, and sweat a lot. While I was doing cardio there were drops of sweat going down my face. For some reason that's sort of satisfying to me.
After the gym we went to liquidation world. Adriel calls it Lick-idation world. ha ha. I love that store. It's fun. I never know what random thing I'm going to find for a good price. I get bread there because it's really cheap. I came across these really delicious feeling housecoats. Molestable-to quote Laura. There were all these colours to choose from. I debated, do I get one? Do I not? It's not as if we can really afford a lot extra these days. I decided that if I were to get one, I'd get a hot pink one. Then I walked away and looked at some other things, and I found myself in that isle with the housecoats again. There was a hot pink one, all packaged up ( a lot of them had been opened) and sitting on the edge of the shelf. I grabbed it.
When I came home and unpacked all I had bought, I took out the housecoat and put it on. I looked in the mirror and discovered that I'm just not meant to look good in housecoats. I'm just not. Let's face it- a thick bulk-adding body covering is not my thing. This one had pockets right at the hips which added frump and unattractiveness. sigh. Why can't the bulk be at the boobs, where I need it? I started to second guess my decision to buy the robe. I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to keep it.
Then there were naps and the park. Poor Sloan couldn't walk very well on the little pebbles and every time he stumbled, the pebbles stuck to his hands and he wasn't very happy. All the while Adriel wanted me to do EVERYTHING with him and I couldn't do very many things due to having to either carry Sloan or watch out for him.
I came home starving and made dinner and that's where I'm at now. Kyle just got home. Time for me to go!
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Sarahstottle posted @ 6:58 PM
Monday, January 18, 2010
blaaaaAAAAHHH!!
Sloan poops around 3-4 times a day!! They aren't little ones either, and Sloan fights and squirms the whole time I'm changing him. He hates anything to do with getting dressed, and I hate fighting with him about it.
Adriel will ask me the same question over and over and over when I'm busy doing something else, and when he finally breaks me down and I answer him he'll disagree with the answer and saythat's not what it is. Today he was being naughty in his room with his toys and I told him that if I caught him doing it again I'd take the toy away. He replied that he'd shut the door to his room so I couldn't come in and take it. Where does he get this stuff from?
Today has been one of those days where Adriel has really tried my patience. Kyle is gone all day and evening too. It really makes me look inside and wonder if I'm really cut out to be a mom. What have I gotten myself into? I mean, don't get me wrong, I really love my boys, more than anything, but it takes more than love to be a good mother, I'm afraid. I sit here, at 5:30 in the evening, and I look back at my day and I feel like I let my kids down. What does it say about me when I find out Kyle isn't going to be home until 8- 1/2 an hour before the kids go to bed, and I'm filled with dread about my day? I'm supposed to be happy about being a stay at home mother, with no strict schedule, and endless amounts of time to spend with my children. Sometimes I feel so ungrateful, and yet, I know I'm being ungrateful, and silly but the feeling doesn't go away. And then there's the guilt for feeling that way in the first place. Plus, I'm such a wimp, I only have two kids. There are lots of people with more than that and manage a lot more than I do. There are people who are single and have to do it alone. So why do I think I have it so hard? I don't know. I just have these days where I feel like this, and I wonder what's wrong with me.
ok I should get off before I unleash all the negativity that's building up in me.
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Sarahstottle posted @ 9:20 AM
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Just so you know, I started writing this post over a week ago. As of today it's been a whole month since I posted last, and what is to be said other than the fact that I'm lame?
What to write what to write. It's been too long since I last posted and too much has happened in that time. I hate how fast Christmas comes and goes, and I feel sad when life goes back to normal. I loved having Kyle home for a few weeks, and even after all the family left, at least I still had Kyle home with me to hang out with. Seriously, last week went by so fast and this week seems to be going so slowly.
We spent our New Years Eve with Dave and Kassie Russell. Ann kept Adriel and we took Sloan to Dave and Kassie's. There was way too much food, and as a result I was full the whole evening. There was a booty shaking competition. I won, but Kyle didn't participate and we all know he would have won. He was shy, because at that point Emily and Mike (daves sister and hubby) dropped by and he was shy. Then we started watching Invictis which I found sort of a dry and boring way to ring in the new year, so after Emily and Mike left I piped up and suggested we do something else. So we played Settlers of Katan. We were in the middle of that when the countdown came on. We toasted in the new year with Martinellis cider stuff and then finished the game which I won. Then we came home and went to bed. That was that.
Now life is back to normal. Sloan is walking all over the place, acting all big. I still can't believe he's one already. It's crazy how fast he's growing up, and Adriel too. Three and a half?! Kyle's back at school and working after and before school and on the weekend, and to be honest, I get a little lonely around here. It's been rainy all week, and I just don't know what to do with my kids most days. I go to the gym which Adriel loves. He begs me to go the gym, even if we've already been that day and other than going to the store, all the other places to take him to costs money. So there. That's where I'm at.
As for Christmas, well, mine was good. It had family and togetherness and what else matters? Although Kyle did get me a snuggy, for those of you who don't know what that is, it's a blanket with sleeves. ha ha.
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Sarahstottle posted @ 10:41 AM