Thursday, November 26, 2009
I can't let Bethany be disheartened. I must write something.
I've been sick. It started on Tuesday. Wednesday was an ugly ugly day. It's just a really bad head cold. After Adriel finished his nap we went over to Aimee's house so he could play with Nolan. I told him before he went to bed that he could go. I didn't know that I was going to feel increasingly worse. I felt I couldn't cancel on him, so we went. Aimee surprised me with my crib bedding! We had been working on it on and off since May or something... a really long time, and I was starting to feel like it would never be done. I was sort of hoping that she'd just finish it. She's really busy though. anyways. I love it. She took making the blanket into her own hands, which I originally wanted to have some say about, but it had been taking so long, that I didn't even care, especially because what she did ended up being really nice. I'm so excited about it. She made the blanket a duvet cover, and the underside is this soft dark brown fleece. She also gave me the duvet to go inside it. I'll take pictures and post the wonderfulness of it. When I got there, she was finishing up on the blanket, so I just sat and visited. It actually helped take my mind of being so sick because Sloan and Adriel were happily playing and not needing much attention from me. Last night once Kyle was finally home, he helped a lot. He cleaned up the whole house and vacuumed and everything, and took care of the boys.I just don't know how single moms do it. If I hadn't had Kyle's help last night I might have cried.
Kyle only has one more week of classes. Yay! Of course, then he has to study study study for finals, so I'm not sure how much things will change as far as there being more free time to spend with me, Adriel and Sloan goes. It's just the fact that his classes are almost done. Doesn't it at least sound good?
I finally got rid of my N. I don't announce this with great excitement because my test didn't go that well. It was really rainy. I was nervous. When I finished the test, the examiner (a spry leathery -neck-and faced man who probably smokes) was like "that wasn't your best drive, was it?" Instantly my heart sunk and my face started burning, and as he was going through all the things I did wrong all that was going through my head was "I failed. I want to cry. I have to take the stupid test again, which costs 50$ each time you take it, and 100$ is a lot to dish out this time of year for something like that. I'm a failure. I've had my N for almost 10 years and I still failed my road test, how embarrassing..." I nodded and agreed at things he was saying, wanting him to just get to the point and say that I failed and get out of my car (which was acutally Ann's car because I didn't want to drive a standard for the test) so that I could feel bad about it by myself. Things I did wrong are: I was too exaggerated in scanning the intersections, because of the weather conditions I didn't leave enough space between me and the car in front of me (normally it's the two second rule. When it's raining, it's the 4 second rule..) my hands were cemented to the 10 and 2 position, which in his opinion was too stiff and not relaxed, but hey, thats what I thought I was supposed to do, it's not like I actually drive like that all the time! He said "do you always hang on to the steering wheel like you're a startled bird hanging on upside down for dear life?" He told me 4 and 6 were a fine place to hold the steering wheel. I felt small and dumb and like I must really suck at driving. Then he said "So, I should fail you, but I'm not going to." I don't even really know why he passed me and handed me my evaluation sheet.
At the time, I just couldn't feel that happy about it. I went back inside to get my new license registered, and when the people at the counter congratulated me, I didn't feel proud of myself. All I could think of was "it's not like I really passed, I should have failed" One girl even leaned over my evaluation paper and was like "look how good you did too!" all I could see were several angry looking black fine-liner scribbles condemning me from the page. I couldn't even look at if for a few days. Now I'm just glad that I passed. I never have to do it again. I have a full license and I'm happy about that. I know I was nervous and just trying to be extra careful and I don't drive like that all the time. Finally, this morning I actually looked over my evaluation sheet, and I didn't really do much wrong. He probably didn't fail me because he didn't have enough reason to. He just really made me feel like he did. He was kind of mean. Anyways, that's what's been going on with me this week.
Sloan will be 11 months old in two days. It's not fair!!
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Sarahstottle posted @ 3:26 PM