Monday, August 10, 2009
Anxiety
Ok so I got this phone call on Saturday morning that was really brief, from Kyle. He said he was most likely coming home because it was too brutal for him. He said he was meeting with a guy and the guy wanted to know how much help I was getting. So Kyle was phoning me to ask me how often I saw his mom and Katie. I was confused. I was like "Is that going to make a difference in whether or not you're coming home?" "no" He really didn't explain much to me. I told him, and then I asked when i was going to hear from him and he said he'd phone me later that day. So of course, I kept the phone at my side all day, and every time it rang, I was all "Is it Kyle? Is it Kyle???" and my heart would beat a little faster. Nope didn't hear from him. So then I thought "I'll at least hear from him on Sunday, because he said he'd be able to call me on Sunday most likely." So once again I made sure my phone was continually by my side and I kept checking it to make sure I didn't miss any calls. I felt like a teenager again, waiting to see of the boy I liked was going to call me. Urrrgh. Nothing. Then last night I had these weird dreams and stuff. Like that I faked being a reservist to get in under cover at the base, and I finally found Evan who acted all weird and mysterious when I asked him where Kyle was. We were'nt allowed to act like we knew eachother... there's more to the dream, but anyways. It has just taken over my life. I feel anxious not knowing what is going on. I just want to know, is he staying or coming home??? Is that too much to ask? sigh. I'm so dramatic. So I got up and waited a while this morning and then I picked up my phone and scrolled through the numbers that called recently and found the one Kyle called from. I called it. I didn't really know who was going to answer or what exactly I was going to say. This guy with a british accent answered. I told him my husband had called me from that # on Saturday and he asked my name and was all "oh yeah. I bet you want to know his news" uuuuh yes!!! He was like "I'm just visiting a soldier at the hospital who isn't doing too well. I'll be back at the base in an hour, and I'll have Kyle call you, does that sound ok?" I agreed. So I waited. A long time. Longer than an hour. That phone call took place at around 8:45. It was driving me nuts!! I just wanted to know what was going on! Kyle FINALLY called at 2:30. Right smack dab in the middle of my nap which was ok because it was him. He is coming home for sure. It's all a matter of when. Like there's paper work and blah blah blah. He's hoping tomorrow, which is his birthday. I expressed how hard it is not knowing when I'll hear from him, I know it isn't his fault though. He said he's done, he doesn't want to do it, it's not worth it to him. I'm totally ok with that because I hated having him gone. Really, this last week was like an eternity to me. I couldn't believe I still had three more to go. However, I think that this needed to happen, because it taught me things about myself. It changed the way I see Kyle, and how I take him and they way he loves me for granted. I feel like it has made our marriage stronger (as hard things tend to do) and maybe I needed this awakening in order to be ready to deal with the hard times ahead, because I know they are coming with his starting school on top of everything else. I feel better prepared to support him and take good care of him and our children. I know it's a weird way for that to happen, but it did. so that's my Kyle anxiety story. Yay!! He's coming home!!!
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Sarahstottle posted @ 12:01 PM